Official Press Release From George Lucas – Disney Buys Lucasfilm!

George Lucas

George Lucas, seen here with his new personal motto

That’s right, folks – Disney plans to buy Lucasfilm for $4.05 Billion, and there are three new Star Wars films in the works, with the first of those three to be released in 2015.

QRE’s own William Cadderly talked to George Lucas himself today to find the reason behind this move.

Cadderly asked Lucas about the common belief that his children would one day inherit the franchise. “I mean, my kids – have you met my kids? One of them is an MMA fighter – yeah, that’s gonna pay off in the long run – while another is a writer for ‘The Clone Wars’. I don’t even know what that is. And then there’s Fett. I mean – Jett. Sorry, I always get his name wrong. No idea why.”

When prompted as to what made Lucas finally push the button on the sale, he replied with the following:

“I have two main reasons to sell. One, I’m done with the story. Star Wars was, and to me always will be, the story of Anakin Skywalker, from the time he was a slave child on Tatooine, until his redemption and death in ‘Return of the Jedi’. That’s the whole story. They’ve already announced they’re going to do movies 7-9, and that’s fine with me. Because I never had a 7-9. Yeah, I might have said that once back in the 70s, but come on – it was the 70s. Everybody was high. What do you want from me? Have you seen Speilberg’s crap from back then? An hour and a half of a guy driving around trying to avoid a truck?”

And his other reason?

“The fans are the other reason. I know – I created the Star Wars universe way back when. And no, before you ****ing say it, it wasn’t ‘A long time ago’. I wrote and did my story in my universe. It was mine. It was my art. Later on I had the technology at my disposal to make my art better, and people hated it. They hated it. Do you know what it’s like to have people hate your art?”

“So I was driving around San Rafael – I had just been through the drive-thru at Starbucks, and some punk yells at me. He yells, ‘Hey George, you suck! You ****ed up Star Wars! Vader never yelled “Noooo!” and Han shot first!’. I just rolled up my window and drove on.”

“And as I was driving, it occurred to me: **** that guy. Sure, he may have paid thousands of dollars for Star Wars merchandise over the years, but you know what? Like I said before – it was my universe. It was my art. If I wanted to change things I could change things. If that guy wants to make his own Star Wars, let him. It’s not like I’ve ever sued anybody over parodies, and God knows there’s been enough of that crap around.”

“So I decided that between being done with my story and having to listen to jerks like that guy outside of Starbucks, I’d had enough. You want me to screw Star Wars? Fine, I’ll screw it. So I picked up my phone, I called Bob Iger, and I said let’s make a deal.”

“The rest is just…you know, bantha fodder. Little details.”

“But that’s what it is. All you whiny brats – I gave you something special. If you didn’t like the Special Editions, you didn’t have to buy it. And there damn sure wasn’t any call for ‘Star Wars Revisited’. **** you. So now – complain to the biggest movie company in the world. It’s not my problem anymore.”

“Oh, and may the mouse be with you. Get it? Because it’s Disney?”

-William Cadderly

 

 

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