Special QRE Interview – Julius Caesar

by William on November 13, 2012

Julius CeasarAs most of you know by now, we at QRE have the ability to go back in time, thanks to technology brought to us by Irky.

However, in keeping with the Time Travel Doctrines from the Irkwood Coalition, we do not use time travel to alter history in any way, shape, or form.

We do, however, use it to get exclusive interviews.

This week, we sent Cadderly back in time to interview the world famous (some say infamous) Emperor of Rome, Julius Caesar.



Cadderly:
Thank you, Emperor, for agreeing to this interview. Our main goal is to show the world what you were like as a man. We know what the history books tell us, but we don’t know much about your personality. For example, do you have a favorite color?

Caesar: BY THE GODS, I’VE BEEN STABBED! HELP ME!

Cadderly: Uh.. yes… well.. I understand that Romans were big fans of the Greek playwrights. Do you have a favorite play?

Caesar: I’VE BEEN STABBED IN THE BACK! THE PAIN IS EXCRUTIATING!

Cadderly: Right… so… uh… if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Caesar: CALL A DOCTOR! PLEASE! I’M BLEEDING ALL OVER THE FLOOR!

Cadderly: I… er… have you, Mr. Caesar, ever been in love?

Caesar: THEY STABBED ME OVER AND OVER AND OVER!

Cadderly: Right… I see…so have you—

Caesar: BRUTUS WAS AMONG THEM! THE PAIN I FEEL FROM HIS BETRAYAL IS ONLY TOPPED BY THE UNBEARABLE PAIN OF THE MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS!

Cadderly: Look, I appreciate that you’ve been stabbed, but I really can only ask the questions that are on my paper here—

Caesar: I’M COUGHING UP BLOOD! DO YOU SEE THAT!? IT’S BLOOD! COMING FROM MY PUNCTURED LUNGS!

Cadderly: I’m just an intern at QRE, sir. If I don’t get at least some of these questions answered, I’ll be written up again. I understand that this probably isn’t the best time, but—

Caesar: IF YOU AREN’T GOING TO HELP ME, THEN PLEASE KILL ME! END MY SUFFERING!

Cadderly: Do you like butterflies?

Roman Citizen: He’s dead! Caesar is dead! The strangely dressed man has killed the Emperor!

Cadderly: *sigh*


Editor’s note: We at QRE would like to apologize for this interview. We trusted Cadderly to get some great information about Julius Caesar, but he has let us – and you – down. Rest assured, he has received an official reprimand and has promised to do a better job next time.

–Garv

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Anonymous November 13, 2012 at 15:55

Laugh my *** off

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