Hi guys! I’m Pep Bartleby. I’m QRE’s newest staff writer and I have the totally awesome honor of being the official Walking Dead correspondent for the Quiet Room! I think that’s just fantastic, because The Walking Dead demonstrates the exact thing I believe in most: That the human spirit will always prevail!
This week’s episode really highlighted the difficulties of living in a world of zombies. I found myself extremely nervous for most of the characters throughout the episode! But I stand strong in my belief that it’ll all work out for them in the end because they’re giving it their all… and I firmly believe that if you just give it your all, you can overcome any odds!
This episode reminded me of a night when I was eleven years old and a clown broke into our house.
I know, I know… it’s a little rude for me to call him “a clown.” I’m fully aware that there was a person under that clown makeup, and I’m sure he had feelings.
But for the sake of clarity in this article (I never learned his name), I’ll call just call him “the clown.” For the record, I mean no disrespect.
Anyway, at about two in the morning a clown broke into our house. He climbed through the kitchen window. The timing was very unfortunate, because I happened to be in the kitchen at the time, getting a glass of water. I was very surprised to see a clown in our kitchen! I mean, how often do you see a clown in your kitchen! Looking back on it, it’s pretty funny now, but it wasn’t at the time.
The clown looked at me and said, “Get the **** outta here kid, or I’ll kill your *** **** parents.” He didn’t speak in asterisks, by the way. That just means he was using some colorful words.
Of course, I obeyed and left the room. I mean, nobody wants their parents to be murdered by clowns!
I went upstairs and crawled under my bed. I listened as the clown went from room to room. At the time, I didn’t know what he was doing, but later I learned that he was robbing us.
Well, that night, I learned an important lesson. I learned that house-robbing clowns aren’t quite as mean as they claim to be. That’s right… they have a heart.
When the clown came into my room, I saw him go to my toy box. I tried to stay quiet, but eventually I had to speak up. “Mr. Clown,” I said, “you can have all the toys except the Soldier Jim doll. He was a gift from my Auntie Sue.”
Soldier Jim was important to me because my Auntie Sue died a few years earlier. She had gotten her foot caught on a train track (Auntie Sue was addicted to crack, so she lived in a box near the train tracks) and was dragged by a train for over fourteen miles before she finally worked herself free. Unfortunately, because the train had cut off one of her legs, she wasn’t able to run from the coyotes that came by and ate her.
So yeah, the Soldier Jim doll was important to me. It was the first and last thing Auntie Sue ever gave me.
The clown picked up my Soldier Jim doll and said, “This doll?”
“Yes, sir,” I said.
“It smells like crack,” he said. Then he broke the doll in half. “I knew it! There was crack inside this doll.”
“Oh,” I said. “Well, then, I guess I owe you my thanks for saving me from that crack. I might’ve accidentally got addicted or something.”
“What the **** is wrong with you, kid?” the clown said. “Are you brain damaged or something?”
I laughed. “No! My brain isn’t damaged!”
The clown looked at me for a few seconds then he went into my parents’ room. Through the wall, I heard him scream, “Did you do something to that kid to damage his brain?”
My dad screamed, “No!” but I don’t think the clown believed him. After he broke twelve of my dad’s bones, he loaded all of our valuables into his van and drove away.
I learned several things that night. I learned that clowns don’t like it when they think a kid has been beaten so much that he sustained significant brain damage. I also learned that when a clown says he’s going to murder your parents, he’s just joking around. He might end up breaking several bones in your dad’s body, but he won’t kill him.
That’s right. This clown wasn’t nearly as dangerous as I originally thought. He didn’t kill anybody! It was a valuable lesson for me about not judging people by my first impression.
And I think that’s gonna be true on The Walking Dead. So watch out, America! Some of those mean ol’ villains on the show might just end up being not quite as mean as you think!
I give this week’s episode 10 out of 10 stars!