Cadderly: Apologize later! There are hundreds of zombies chasing us. Right now, I suggest we just keep running!
Jake: Those things are NOT zombies! Zombies are Haitian slaves. Those things are ghouls… or simply undead… but they’re NOT zombies!
Garv: Guys, we should stop running and have a meeting about this.
Cadderly: Are you serious? We’re being chased by zombies!
Garv: Seriously, guys. We should stop and discuss this.
Brandon: All this running is causing you to have another heart attack, isn’t it.
Cadderly: Okay, let’s duck into this alley!
Brandon: I have Tony on Face-time. Tony, is the apocalypse happening in LA?
Tony: Not yet. Ha ha!
Justin: Okay, guys, I can save us! I’m like a super scout. I can scurry up this fire escape and get into the building from the roof, then unlock the alley door so you all can come in!
Cadderly: Hopefully, they didn’t see us duck into this alley. There was a bunch on that street. I counted 143.
Jake: You counted them?
Brandon: Hey, that’s the same amount of fans I have on Facebook.
Jake: Why’d you count the ghouls?
Garv: QRE has over 250 fans. BOOYAH! You might be a bestselling author, but I have more Facebook fans!
Justin: Guys, can someone pull down this fire escape ladder for me? I can’t reach it.
Brandon: I helped you build those fans, jerk. Besides, my fan base is growing faster. You’ve been around for years.
Cadderly: Bigger fish to fry, guys. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re currently hiding from a horde of zombies.
Irky: Justin is so cute. He keeps jumping for that ladder, but just can’t reach it. He’s like the little engine that couldn’t.
Garv: QRE totally destroys you on Facebook fans. Accept it.
Brandon: That’s it! I’m challenging you to a fan war! One week. Whoever can gain the most new fans wins.
Cadderly: There you go, Justin. I got the ladder for you. Now get up there and get that door unlocked.
Garv: You’re on. As soon as this zombie thing—
Garv: As soon as this ghoul thing is over, we’re having a fan war!
Cadderly: SHUT THE [expletive deleted] UP!
Cadderly: You’re seriously talking about a [expletive deleted] fan war?!?! SERIOUSLY!? We’re in the middle of a [expletive deleted] ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!
Jake: I explained this already, Bill. They’re aren’t—
Cadderly: SHUT YOUR [expletive deleted] MOUTH, JAKE! I Don’t give the tiniest [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] what you call them! They’re called zombies now and have been for THIRTY [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] YEARS!
Irky: Bill, I think you need to—
Cadderly: [expletive deleted] you, Irky. [expletive deleted] you. You started this!
Irky: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
Cadderly: This is how it’s gonna play out.
Garv: Bill, all due respect buddy, but you’re not in charge here.
Cadderly: Shut up.
Garv: Seriously, if you keep up the attitude, I’m going to write you—
Cadderly: I said shut your [expletive deleted] mouth, you barely coherent piece of [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] dog [expletive deleted].
Cadderly: This is how it’s gonna play out. Justin is going to unlock that door. We’re going inside, and all of you are going to shut your [expletive deleted] mouths until this whole thing blows over. Got it?
Garv: Wow. Cadderly’s found his—
Cadderly: GOT IT?
Garv: Got it.
Brandon: Got it.
Jake: Got it. But they’re still ghouls.
Cadderly: I swear to everything I hold holy, I will stab you in the throat with all seven of my [expletive deleted] pens.
Jake: They’re zombies.
Cadderly: Why are you still on the fire escape? You’re supposed to be letting us in!
Justin: I couldn’t reach the roof from the top of the fire escape. I’ll need someone to give me a boost.
Tony: Ha ha!
Garv: Okay, Cadderly’s plan was a big whopping failure. I think there’s only one way to get out of here unnoticed.
Brandon: Chicken dance?
Cadderly: Oh, for [expletive deleted] sake.
Garv: Chicken dance.