“Garv From QRE is a Jerk and I Need Your Help” – A Reply To BooksFromHale

by Garv on December 17, 2012

Brandon and GarvLast week, QRE Co-Founder and Best Selling Author Brandon Hale made a post over at his personal website entitled “Garv From QRE is a Jerk and I Need Your Help.” In this post, I, Garv, was accused of being a not-very-nice person, and of saying some things that weren’t very nice.

I will agree, Brandon and I go way back, and we’ve been through quite a lot together. When the chips were down, I could always look to Brandon for encouragement or words of wisdom.

I’ll trust that you read his blog post – again, for full disclosure, it’s linked above – and his version of the conversation we had. I, however, do not recall the conversation going quite that way. Here, in my own words, is the way the conversation really happened:

Me: So, Brandon, how’s Books From Hale coming along? I’ve been telling everyone I know to check it out.

Brandon: ”Everyone you know?” Ha! That would explain the three visits I got this morning.

Me: Look, man, I’m only trying to help.

Brandon: Then why are you talking to me right now? I’m busy and have things to do, and you’re just standing here, blabbering incoherently!

Me: What do you mean? I’m being pretty coherent. I’m offering to help you because I’m your friend.

Brandon: With friends like you, who needs enemas?

Me: I’m pretty sure that line is supposed to end with ‘enemies’, but I can see the joke you were going for there.

Brandon: Joke? Joke? You think my writing is a joke? I’m a Best Selling Author, buddy!

Me: No, I don’t think your writing is a joke. I was referring to your ‘enemas’ line. Like saying I’m a pain in your…

Brandon: I have 150 “likes” on my Facebook page!

Me: Okay, what does that have to do with anything? QRE has 250, give or take a few. I don’ t know the exact number. It’s not some kind of contest. I mean, dude, you’re part of Quiet Room.

Brandon: So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh? Some kind of contest? Fine!

Me: What? No, I said it’s not some kind of contest.

Brandon: That’s it! That’s enough! I challenge you to a Like War!

Me: I don’t know what that is.

Brandon: That’s what I thought. You’re scared.

Me: Have you taken your blood pressure medicine? Where’s Laura?

Brandon: Then you accept?

Me: Um, sure. So I guess whoever gets the most “likes” on their Facebook group is the winner? And what exactly do we “win”?

Brandon: (He leaned in close to me and whispered in my ear) You will never know… (the whisper became a shout)… LOSER!

He then stuck a crown on my head, snapped a picture and ran away.

So there you have it – the way things actually happened. Not some distorted version of events brought on by the fevered mind of someone who, let’s not forget, writes fiction for a living.

So I suppose it’s actually “on”, as the kids say these days. Over the next couple of weeks, whichever of us garners the most new “likes” will be declared the winner.

If you want Brandon – who is clearly out of his gourd – to win, you can “like” his page here: Books From Hale on Facebook
If you want QRE – and by proxy, me – to win, you can “like” our page here: Quiet Room Entertainment on Facebook

So let the games begin!

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