Lately I have succumbed to a growing trend that you may have heard of. No, not man-scaping. I am referring to binge-viewing.
Yes, binge-viewing, the practice of watching TV for extended hours. Not your everyday run of the mill channel surfing during prime time hours, but marathon sessions of watching one single show.
This practice is not anything new, it has been around since the late 1990′s with the introduction of DVD box sets, but it has gained a lot of popularity over the past year with the help of Netflix and other services.
Now one can sit down with their friends, family, or all alone and watch entire seasons of TV shows at once instead of waiting for the newest episode the next week, spread out over the course of several months. I do not have that kind of patience, I’ve got things to do. There are other shows sitting in my queue, after all.
I have to know what happens next, the wait would absolutely devastate me, my life would be in shambles if I had to wait another week to see the outcome.
Now I can just press a button to start that next episode, oh sweet release, mind-numbing hours tick away, the world outside forgotten, as I delve into the lives of my wonderful fantasy land friends.
Why in the hell is my phone ringing? Doesn’t the caller realize that I am only halfway through season 3 of Breaking Bad? I can’t stop now and see what they want, I have to know what Walter White is up to.
Who in the blue hell is at my door? Why are they knocking so loudly? I have to turn up the volume on my home theater system now because their incessant pounding at the door is drowning out the heartfelt moment between Ted and Robin on How I Met Your Mother. The nerve of these people.
My cat will not stop meowing, he has been at my feet for at least 3 episodes of Orange is the New Black. He tried to get my attention by pawing at my shin during the scene where Piper was in SHU, but I couldn’t turn away. Why the hell does my sock feel warm and wet?
OK, they finally uploaded the latest season of Doctor Who. I have been meaning to check that show out. I think I will start it next after my daughter watches one of the Charlie Brown animated specials that Netflix offers. Wow, she is looking rather thin lately. She must be exercising a lot in gym class. She could use a cheeseburger, though.
Whew, I smell ripe. It just hit me that I haven’t taken a shower in 3 seasons of The Walking Dead. I really should make a note to do that after this episode of House of Cards because I probably smell like a walker.
I have been calling for Misty for what seems like an eternity. She hasn’t responded to me since GOB brought in the Hot Cops down at the pier. And Michael just got voted out of the dorm. What’s keeping her? I could really go for a sandwich right now.
Well, the cat died. Great. He must have choked on a hairball or something. I tripped over his body when I was coming back from the refrigerator with a fresh soda. I guess I will have Misty scrape him up whenever she gets back. Damn, she has been gone awhile. I probably should have just made myself a sandwich.
Two guys just forced my front door open. Some woman walked in with them. The jerks wouldn’t move out of the way of the screen and the woman kept yammering on about something. I don’t remember what it was. It couldn’t have been important. I think they took Madison out for ice cream. She’s a good kid, she deserves it. Nice people, but their TV viewing etiquette could use some improvement. It was like I was at a movie theater.
Great, my mom just stormed into the house. Man she drives me crazy. I mean, she’s my mom, I love her and I am sure she means well in her own way, but I really wish she wouldn’t start screaming the moment she walks in. I am a grown ass man, she can’t tell me what to do anymore. I asked her to make me a sandwich. I don’t know where she got it, but she hit me in the head with a half-loaf of moldy bread before she stormed out. I know I could devour a Dagwood sandwich right now.
OK, Misty is really starting to piss me off. She has been gone for a while now. I hope she knew who those people were that took Madison out for ice cream. Come to think of it, she should have been home by now. Oh yeah, I was gonna go shower.
Holy shit, I don’t remember putting on a red sock. I must have spilled Kool-Aid on it, because it took a few minutes to peel it off. I really should be more careful with a beverage.
Fantastic. There must have been a water main burst nearby because I lost all my water during my shower. And now my internet seems to have been disconnected. I tried to call them but the phone was out of service as well. And why did it suddenly get dark?
Damn this is not good, this is not good. I was just getting ready to start watching Arrow, too. And they added the latest season of Torchwood, too. I was going to watch that. What am I going to do? I can’t handle this. I have to know what happens, I need to ignore reality. I have invested way too much time in these shows to quit now. And what am I going to do about getting the lights and internet back on? Owww, I just stubbed my toe on a book, how did that get there?
I ended up having a yard sale. I had to sell everything in my house except for my TV and my home theater system. I was able to pay my utilities and internet bills and have them turned back on. I miss my couch. But at least I can pick up where I left off.
Hello, old friend.